I need a gun

I need a gun… I use to think that when I was grew up, my life my life will be ok… but it is not… and I need a gun…
I realize that I need a gun since I was 8… and I still need it…
Noticing… I was real happy two times in my life… and those times were about 10 years ago…
A friend of mine ask me: “why do you care about those two times?”… I think that’s important… the only way to get myself together it’s searching inside me…
Unfortunately I don’t like what I found… unfortunately I realize that I’m becoming a sad man… who came from a sad child…
I need a gun… maybe just to had it… maybe just to feel the power of the will of self destruction… maybe if I had it, I chicken out and start to fix all that mess… maybe I finally loose the respect for my parents and finish all over... but anyway… I need a gun…